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I agree about not taking it personally. When I was pregnent with my second (the first one I placed) I knew which set of parents I wanted about 4 months before I was due but didn't even tell the agency until two weeks before I was due because I didn't want to admit to myself that it was really happening. I didn't want to meet the parents pre-birth either for the same reason. Meeting would have been a final step for me, not legally but mentally and I didn't want to take it before I had to. I would just go with the flow but I don't think a letter would be too upsetting for her as long as you keep it supporting.
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