[leenab]

I have adopted 2 sons as older toddlers and changed both of their names. So far our experience has been great. Both Om and Raj love their new names. But I think it's really a situation to situation call.

I can tell you our reasons. Raj was severly abused and neglected by his parents. So his old name was associated in his mind with being abused and neglected. We liked his old name, but he really wanted a new name. Raj was 3 1/2 when he was placed with us. So we explained adoption to him as did his caseworker. We read him tons of adoption storybooks and started to prepare him for a new last name. He asked why just a last name and wanted a first name. So we talked about it and asked his cw about it. And told him one day he'd get a new name. Then we just started using his new name.

Well Om, he had never really been called his real name. He was in another foster home and removed for safety reasons. There he had a different name, not the one biomom named him. But when he came into our family at age 2yrs 8 months we tried calling him his name from his previous placement and he would tantrum anytime he heard it. So we started calling him his real name from biomom. So that was really the first time he was introduced to it. It was his experience that his real name was introduced when he had to leave his 1st home where he'd been almost since birth and then come to a new home with strangers. He had no attachment to his bioname. So we discussed changing his name with him. And decided to change it as well.

Changing names doesn't happen overnight, trust me. There's a lot of work involved in the process. Both Om and Raj have extensive life books about their old names and new names and they both can tell me about what it was like to be their old names. Their old names aren't a secret at all. Raj will sometimes look a picture of himself and say that when that picture was taken his name was K and he didn't like that name. Om also knows his old name and reacts to it as well. We've watched home movies we made of the boys when they first came to us and Om hates to be called M. He doesn't like that he had to be M before. And we explain to him that we loved him when he was M and love him now that he's Om. He just associates so many bad feelings with his old name.

I really think it was in my sons best interest to change their names. We've talked to their therapists about it and in the beginning they were very cautious, but have seen how the boys are able to handle their new names.

-LeenaB