[Danielle]

I have an open adoption of four years. I couldn't ask for more. I have a very open adoption, I see my son and his birth mother about 3 times a month! I am very greatful for how much his parents have done for me in always supplying pictures and visitations - they even let me throw him a birthday party this month! I couldn't have gotten any better, and I know that my son will benefit from always knowing me and my family.
I guess my question is this:
When I first placed him it was hard - it hurt so bad I can't even describe the pain I felt. After the first few months I accepted everything so well. I was content with the adoption and I loved him and his parents more than anything. I actually thought it was not normal how well I was dealing with things. Since then I have done very well with the adoption, but now that I am 19 Im starting to feel less content. I know his parents are wonderful that has nothing to do with it- I think maybe it is the fact that I feel I can raise him now that im 19 as opposed to when I was 15 when I placed him. Im wondering if this is normal? And will this feeling of - not regret but lonliness - worsen as i get older and become more capable of having him? Has anyone heard of this feeling or experienced it - just out of nowhere feeling like I need him , like I need a child to raise on my own?
Thank you for your time, and I hope someone can helP!
Danielle