[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi,

79nic, speaking from an adoptive mom's point of view, I would think that if you need to close (but definitely not lock) the door right now you should do that.

You will be no good to Marie or Elise if you continue to feel the way you do, if you continue to lose sleep over this, if you don't move forward.

I cannot speak as a Bmom as I have never placed a child for adoption, however, I can speak as a compassionate human being. You are obviously in a great deal of pain and, IMHO, it is more important for you to be taking care of yourself right now. You have another child and a life that you need to start leading again. You need to take this time for yourself to heal so you can be the best person/parent that you can be.

I just have to believe that Marie's parents will totally understand and support you if you explained this to them. You think this will be selfish and maybe it would, however, I think the idea you have about giving them all of your information, pics, etc. is a good one. I believe you will want contact again sooner than when she's old enough to search for you. Even if you don't, THAT'S OKAY! You have already told her to feel free to search for you.

Best of luck to you. May you find the peace you so desperately need.

Michelle