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Let me clarify.
I am not talking about disappearing off the face of the earth.
I am not talking about limiting my parents' contact with Marie.
I am not talking about going into denial.
There is no way to get around the fact that I'm a birthmother. I don't like it, but I can accept that.
What I am talking about is saying to her parents, "Here. Here is ALL my identifying info: my social security number, my name, my birthdate, my phone number, my address, my employer's address. Here it all is." (They have all this except the SS# anyway.) Then, handing them another piece of paper... a letter to Marie. A letter of explanation, and message telling her that if she ever wants to look me up, I will welcome her back into my life.
Then, stepping away.
Closing the door; not locking it.
I said this to my hubby tonight. He said, "Yeah, but if you do that in ten years you know she'll just come looking for you anyway."
My response to that is, "Yes, but at least I will have had those ten years of peace."
Michelle...
No, I haven't talked to her ap's about any of this. I am really scared to. They soooo want an open adoption. I've been racking my memory, trying to recall what exactly I signed. I don't have a copy of the contact agreement. Not sure if D and Y do.
In June when I visited, Y said something about the agreement being put together hastily. (The match and placement happened so fast for us.) I remember her saying they put down "updates and letters once a month, visits 6 times in the first year, and then after that whatever we were all comfortable with." Something like that.
I'm kind of hoping it's true. That I didn't sign that I'd continue contact forever.
(sighs)
(Have to go get Elise now, she woke up and is crying...)
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