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My son
Suzanne, I appreciate your reply. I have heard and known forever that being there for him is themost important thing. I have ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS told him that i love him unconditionally and that I would never leave him. I have not broken that promise. I hate emails and written word because you can't always "read" how a person MEANT something. I didn't mean that "i adopted him to cover him on insurance" I MEANT that they wanted us to just take him temporarily, but that we pushed to the birth mom and maternal grandmother the NEED to be able to cover him on insurance, etc and that was part of the reason that we wanted him ADOPTED and not just "staying with us" or being a foster child. I WANTED TO BE HIS MOM, HAVE BEEN HIS MOM> BUT remember, this was family. I went from being his AUNT to being his MOM> He knew the difference. It wasn't like I Wasn't in his life and then I was his mom. I had a different role for 4 years. He didn't call me mom and that was ok with me. I didn't care WHO I was to him verbally as long as I parented him and cared for him as a mother does. To DENY that he is adopted, we don't. Being ADOPTED is not any different than saying my STEPSON of which I have a stepson and stepdaughter. I treat and have told people that Anthony is adopted yes, it is not something to be ashamed of. We have made it special as to say " I was CHOSEN, not just born". He was 8, he knew his mother, he knew his grandmother, he knew me as his aunt. He wanted contact with his mom, etc and he called HER mom on the phone, etc. BUT I have always been his mom since he moved in with me. I AM A MOTHER to him all the time, but I wasn't forcing it on him either. Kids are very loyal and protective. He could have called me mimi for the rest of my life but I still would have been his mother. I am not trying to be a social worker or therapist I am a person who loves this child more than anyone else and is doing everything possible from unconditional love, to therapy, to medicine, to gettni him invloved with a church family and supporting his interests no matter what they are. Yes, I am trying like crazy to figure out what makes him tick, what helps him, because OF my love for him. Because I want the best for him.
Both his therapist and his counselor said today that he may have Bipolar2 or an abnormal personality disorder. They advise that he be assessed at a hospital soon because of some very disturbing writings and behaviors that have come up lately. I am torn! They advise me to be pre-emptive before anything else happens. They say if he is not diagnosed properly (which up to now was officially only ADD and Depression) and he Does have Bipolar or antisocial traits, that something could and/or WILL happen soon.
As for his biological family. They live in another state, We are in MO and they are in FL so visitation is difficult anyway. I am currently leaning toward not allowing it, because I cannot monitor it. (they want him to just fly down for a visit. I don't think I am prepared to plan a 15 hr drive to TAKE him myself. I would rather they come here, which they won't do.
Thanks for everyone's help and advise!
Mel
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