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Considering the statistics in the US are that 25% of children under 18 yrs old have been sexually abused, the risks are high that ANY child we adopt has been s-a. One quarter of those of us on this board have been s-a. Have all of us who were s-a abuse others? Of course not. Will all of the children we adopt who were s-a abuse others? No, but we can't look at them or their profiles and determine which ones will. That's why it's best to not adopt older or stronger than the ones already in the home.
I've adopted s-a children. I also fostered MANY, before I adopted. I only took children younger than my own by at least four years. I also made sure that they had their own bedrooms. I couldn't be around 24/7 every second. I had one fc who abused a neighbor child. My fc is gone, but I still have to live 2 doors down from a child that I know I'm responsible for putting at risk. I'm so sorry that he was abused. At the time I didn't know about grooming. Even though it wasn't my fc's fault that the uncle abused my child, my fc had the ability to abuse another child. It's a vicious cycle.
I have a friend who fosters who has a 7 yr old fs. He is being placed in another home as we speak, b/c he abused my friend's granddaughter in their playroom. The little girl is only 2 yrs old. He abused her with a toy. That little girl is going to have to go through a lot to heal physically as well as emotionally. My friend did everything right, she only took a child younger than her teens at home, the child has his own room, she watches him diligently, she never left him alone with other children. She went to answer the phone and during a five minute phone call, her gd walked into the playroom to get a toy. Her fs was already in there playing. Would you have predicted that? I never would have!
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