Quote:
Originally posted by Christy33
How many of you have taken in children that were physically abused, mentally abused, neglected, ect. ect. Did you put your children at risk?
God be with you on this.
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I took in three children that were neglected as well as physically and sexually abused. Only one of the three acted in sexually inappropriate ways. I also have a bio daughter who was close in age.
Yes, I put my child at risk.
I haven't read any posts that say this little boy is a monster. In fact, I don't believe characterizing him as a perpretrator is appropriate. I believe exhibited sexually reactive behaviors (sexual acting out as a result of sexual abuse). He is completely deserving of help... I just believe it is very important to investigate what that process is and what it will take to help him heal. The questions are not to place someone in a "what if" mentality, but rather to help them think about the potential problems they might face. It is hard to make a decision if you haven't explored all the possibilities and what your feelings would be if those things occurred.
It is not set in stone that this little boy will act out on the bio son. But, it's important to consider what the response would be if that did happen. Safety plans, alarms, etc. can go a long way, but don't always work. If someone can't live with the stress that "constant" monitoring would require given the ages or their feelings about a bio child being harmed, it would be advisable not to accept the placement. It is so difficult to deal with the disruption for both the adoptive family and the child. If there are circumstances that could potentially cause a disruption, I would evaluate the likliness of those things happening and go from there.
Finally, it isn't the fact that this child has been sexually abused that is a red flag for me. I have worked with other children with sexual abuse who never became sexually reactive. It is the incidents with his sister and potentially other children - since it is very rare for a sexually reactive child to not act out outside of the family in the absense of help - that concern me.
That said, I agree that each child and each family situation is unique. Asking questions, getting as much information as possible and thinking about what feelings there would be if the "what ifs" did occur, can go a long way in preventing future heartache.
IMHO,
Cobb