[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Wow Suzanne what an powerful post and a loving tribute to your parents. I understand perfectly what you are saying.

Hi Melissa,

I am a foster parent about to adopt our 2 fc. I am trying to implement a semi-open adoption for these kids. I have sent their mom a letter laying out what I'd be comfortable with and am awaiting her reply. I am a nervous wreck to do this because our situation is somewhat similar to yours (as far as the addictions, etc.). The best thing someone on here said to me was, "as long as her lifestyle doesn't affect the kids at the visit (i.e, she doesn't show up drunk) and, as long as she doesn't speak badly about you to them, her lifestyle shouldn't matter." That really hit home for me. I had been wavering about whether or not to open up the adoption since these children weren't lovingly placed for adoption they were removed from their parents and the parent's rights terminated by the State. The fact of the matter is, I will do everything in my power to protect these kids throughout their lives. I would never allow unsupervised visits so there would not be an issue with her hurting them, lying to them, showing up drunk, etc. If she did, we'd simply leave.

As I did, you have the right to set the guidelines for contact. I joined this forum early in October and have learned many, many things. The thing I consider most important is that children that are adopted seem to grow up happier, healthier, and better adjusted when they have been allowed information/contact with their birth families. The reason for this is that they don't need to go through their lives wondering WHY, or who do I look like; who's mannerisms do I have, wondering what medical issues they may face in their future. Someone posted that people that have been adopted can get embarrassed at a doctors appointment because they have to answer, "I don't know, I was adopted." I want to protect my kids from that embarrassment. I want my kids to grow up knowing that there wasn't one single second in their life that they weren't WANTED.

Many, many people we know think we're NUTS for even contemplating doing this but you know what, I could care less. These are my kids and I will do what I feel is best for them. Do I anticipate some problems, sure, but we'd just need to work out the kinks to make it work.

BTW it is believe that our 3 y/o has an attachment problem too and I have never been told it would be detrimental for her to have contact with her family..

Best of luck to you and your family. I do know this decision is not an easy one to make.

Michelle