|
as a mom...
Given the past history, I would be leery of a visit, however I would weigh that against the emotional healing of my child. If your son wants to see his bmom, then I would probably do it because it sounds to me that he has never had any closure or understood all the emotions he has had.
I think a child's imagination is far worse than the reality of the situation and if you can help him see reality, then he might heal a bit. For example, if he feels it's his fault that he was separated from his bmom, then in his mind, he's making up all these things about the situation, himself and her. "It's my fault and I need to fix it and I'm not a good child for doing this to my mom etc." Might have his bmom up on a pedestal, thinking she is the perfect person and it is him who is not.
If he were to see her, he might see that this is a person who made the wrong choices and made them herself and it is in no way his fault. I'm not saying all will be hunky dory if he sees her, but it might be the start of a healing process for him.
If you do a visit, I would set it up in a neutral place ( a park, counselor's office etc.) and I would be very clear about the rules with them beforehand. I would also suggest his counsellor be the mediator of the visit to ensure his well being is protected. Doesn't sound like he's in any physical danger, but if they say hurtful things, it could be emotionally damaging to him which is why a counsellor would be best to have there to monitor the visit.
As a parent, it's hard to know what is best for your child sometimes. I, myself, have 4 kids who were removed from their birth home. If you asked me about contact in the beginning I would say no way. But now, seeing how 2 of my kids carry a lot of weight on their shoulders and how their fantasies of things really muddle the reality of things, I might feel differently about contact in the future. Guilt is hard enough to process as an adult, but for a child, it's nearly impossible, and the damage it does is just heartbreaking.
I would talk to his therapist and see what he/she thinks and if she would be open to monitoring the visit before making any decision.
Crick
|