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Thanks guys!!! I have a litlle time to post more now. Just a visual picture..... The day of the 1at appt with the judge (S to terminate rights) I was so Totally bonkers that I was sobbing and rocking in a fetal position at the thought of brushing my teeth......It was the fact of taking more steps in the direction of getting A. I went to S and begged for understanding...she agreed that it WAS going to fast for her too.....Everybody was hurrying us...I'm guessing so that S wouldn't change her mind. WEL I DON'T CARE IF SHE DOES!!!! That would have meant that it wasn't right!!!! I was pissed when she told me how they told her it was us needing to hurry (it was kinda, but we were flexible) AND then telling us that she wanted A gone ASAP. (it was kinda but only cause thay were moving and S thought it would be harder on A) They moved and the only thing traumatic to A is not being able to call us whenever she wants cause the phone wasn't hooked up yet. She has had all her stuff packed FOR WEEKS. I feel sad for S, but I also made her promise to NEVER DISSAPEAR on me. I also told her that bmom or new mom terms didn't apply to us and I have always disliked the 1st mom thing, but now it's the only appropriate term. ANYWHOOO we came home I was severely depressed over my unusual reaction and the next week threw myself into work and once back to my old schedule, I began to see my situation clearly. MY AGENCY CW WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO HAD ME PEGGED. She kept advocating for us to slow it down despite the AZ cw insitance on speed. She talked to me on the phone a few times and between her and I we discovered a few things about my emotional process. To make a long story shorter.....I contacted my Attny last monday (had to go private because of the unique situation) and he was amazingly able to get us an appt for THAT THURS. SHe went all went smooth and as we had discussed previously (to avoid a repeat of that weekend) we would remain in ID (working) until the ICPC went thru...then we would fly in and out all in one day. It's a done deal now...I gave myself no options but to deal (better for me that way) I hope to have her in time for thxgiving...but most likely it will be the following Sunday.
HOW SOON CAN WE POST PICS HERE????? I read somewhere that it was illegal until finalization?????
I love you all so much!! remind me to tell the story of "naming the animals" later....
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