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Keeping a child from birth relatives almost always backfires.
If you are the one who refuses to let them see each other, then it will be easy for them to brainwash him later into thinking that they were always fine upstanding people but that you refused contact anyway. And he'll likely believe them because he hasn't seen any evidence to the contrary. (He won't remember the things that happened when he was young.)
On the other hand, if he is permitted to see them, he will be exposed to their way of doing things, and most likely see that he prefers to be with the person who is reliable, who does what she says, who provides needed things on a timely basis, etc.
(I know a lot of these normal reunion-relationship things are different for a child with RAD - be sure to discuss this idea with his new counselor before implementing it.)
It's true that the relatives have acted VERY inappropriately in the past, but it is the past. Their actions like drinking, etc haven't changed to your knowledge, but those are not necessarially actions that directly affect your son. And there are ways to make sure they don't affect him, or affect him only minimally.
One thing you can do since he is still young is *monitor* the relationship. Set the rules, and make sure all parties know what they are. If they had been reasonable in the past, the rules would be lighter. But since they have not been appropriate in the past, the rules are tighter and *might* loosen up only if they obey the ones you have set for now.
For instance, you can tell them that you will not permit them to say anything negative about you, and that includes things about the divorce. It's completely off-limits. You can also say that they are not permitted to discuss the past unless your son raises the question. No excuses or reasons for past behavior. Simply chatting about day-to-day things is fine. No discussing the counseling, or rules or discipline that you enforce at the house. That sort of boundary.
You can start by allowing only letters. You read the letters before your son even knows they have arrived, and make it clear that if any letter crosses the boundaries you have set, you will cut off contact again for a certain time period. But if they stay within the boundaries, you will consider expanding the contact.
Then you can allow phone calls, again making sure everyone knows you are monitoring them and won't hesitate to hang up the line if the talk crosses those boundaries.
Eventually short, monitored visits to which you can add the boundary that the relatives you have invited are to show up *alone* - no friends or boyfriends in tow - and *sober* - if they break either of those, or even appear to break them, the visit will end and it'll be a LONG time before the next one.
Etc. You get the idea. But again, be sure to discuss this idea with your son's counselor, as the rules for picking up a past relationship can be VERY different for a child with RAD.
Good luck!
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