My biggest struggle in the adoption process thus far aside from going through the homestudy was the DBML.
I struggled like I never struggled before in my life trying to write the letter not to offend anyone. Now I just want to throw the letter away.
I was careful not to make it look like I wanted the **'s baby that she was still caring, like it wasn't hers or something, I was careful not to take that away from her, it was hard to try to word the letter in a way that I was not saying "I want to raise "your" baby" or not to say "I want to love or hold "your" baby".
I have rewritten it two times since I have turned it into my agency... I am thinking the social worker is going to think I am a nut for correcting errors found reading it later, and then changing the wording as I was in there correcting the errors and resending it to her asking her to throw the old out and replace it with the new.
I want to change it again after reading some of the things above, I too have said something to the extent of my DH and I having a loving stable, financial secure environment....someone posted that she was told to change that, but what are you suppose to replace it with... and we do have those things to offer, we are not referring to the ** not being able to provide that but letting her know that we can, that she is not giving her child to some family that doesn't feel confident in the fact that they truly have this for their baby.... I am confused...
In my letter it starts out telling her that we sit there staring at the cursor blinking on this blank page not knowing exactly what to say....I proceed to tell her that I try to imagine her, but I can't see her face, that I don't know her exact smile, or what makes her laugh or what makes her sad. '
You see, I need her to know that I think of her everyday, but I don't know her, and how I try to see the mother that may bless my family one day in my imagination. Am I wrong to fill her in on that in my letter.
I also have three dogs that I tell her about in my letter, two whippets (miniature Greyhounds) and one Greyhound that we adopted, I go on to tell her about thier personalities, and I tell her about the adoption process with the Greyhound and how when we first brought him home he didn't know how to walk up or down stairs, that he didn't know how to eat solid food, that we had to water down his food so he could eat (they eat protien mush at the racetracks) and the saddest thing of all is that he didn't know how to play, that we had to teach him how to play....etc, etc......should I not have talked about the dogs so much? Will that offend her? But its us, that is our life right now, maybe I am offending the people who I am not meant to be the future aparent of, maybe I can't try to market myself to each ** that reads my letter, maybe I am only meant to attract my **...
I too in my letter mention that we built a home last year, and it sits on 11arce with trails in back and pond out front, that I enjoy watching the sunsets in the summer and consider ourselves lucky because we can view them so easily from our porch, that in the fall when the leaves change and start to fall how we like to take walks in our trails because we find it relaxing, and in the winter time our favorite thing to do is ice skating on our pond because we practically laugh the whole time.
I don't know, I am affraid, affraid to offend and affraid to change because I might be changing it and I lose my chance.
Maybe I should have someone read it. Any thoughts here, I think I am rambling and I am very confused.
