[ingodshands]

"Is there any way you could continue a relationship with her sister without her sister feeling disloyal to your bmother?"

I try to call my birthaunt about once a year. It is very hard for me and her. She feels like "piggy in the middle", which I can understand, and I dont want her to feel like that.

She will talk to me, but there is awkward silences, she really doesnt know what to say. She feels like my birthmother should want to know her children, all of them.

Last year, I wrote a letter to my aunt. My birthmother came round her house, saw the letter, said to my aunt, "is that who I think it is from?" (she recognised my writing), my aunt said "yes, do you want to read it?". With that she walked out of the house, upset. My aunt let her go. The next day my birthmother came round for coffee, (they live very close to each other). My baunt just told her that, just because she wants no contact with me, doesnt mean she has to be the same. I dont know how that sat with my birthmother, but the last thing I want to do is cause friction between them both.

They are very close as sisters, my baunt is very protective over her.

So, the last time I spoke to my baunt was in August, (after my letter to my birthmother) it will probably be a year or so before I call again. I will send her a Christmas card though. I recieved my first Christmas card from my baunt last year.

The other thing to mention is, my baunt said she will talk to me if I call, and keep in touch, but she never writes to me, or calls me. It is always me that initiates it. This tells me she does not write or call for fear of betraying her sister.

The one thing that has struck me though, if my baunt did not want me to call, she would change her phone number, surely, and make it ex-directory. She could easily do this, but hasnt. Two of my siblings have this number too, they call probably about once a year like me.

So, what are your gut feelings on this ladies??!!

Collette