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Melody Beattie wrote some amazing stuff about control..
Codependents' Guide to the Twelve Steps : How to Find the Right Program for You and Apply Each of the Twelve Steps to Your Own Issues
by Melody Beattie
Page 23 in the book..(Please note I am quoting from this book for purposes of discussion )
I cant control what others do, think, or feel, whether or how they choose to interact with me, whether or when they choose to grow and change, and whether or when they choose to recover from their addictions..
Sometimes I can't control myself.
I'm powerless over the backlog of feelings and negative beliefs I've accumulated. I'm powerless over my own and other people's addictions, including addictions to alcohol and misery. I can't control my children or other people's children. I'm powerless over results, life, circumstances, events. I can't control the course of relationships.
I can't control timing.
God, I wish I could control timing.
But I can't.
When I try to control myself by rigidly repressing my thoughts and feelings, I lose myself..
end of quoting from one of my favorite books..
Me.. I don't think we can control our kids either.. I know my daughter makes me crazy at times.. But I know a birthmom can control whether she is taken hostage or not.. Or (I guess) the aparents as well.
I think we need to get rid of our guilt.. And heck the birthmom trying to lay the guilt on the aparents is part of this..
Jackie
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