[tobeafamily]

Lilifelover,

We too are adoptive parents in a fully open integrated adoption. Our son is now 2 1/2 years old. Since then, his birth parents have had another son, whom they are parenting. They have a very 'rocky' relationship.

I would say that our relationship is different than what we envisioned. We all consider ourselves family, just as if we'd shared DNA, however we don't see or contact each other as often now as we did when Ryan was first placed.

For us, finalization brought the first time in two years that we weren't 'examined' by someone as parents - from application to homestudy to adoption plan to post-placement supervision we always had some kind of 'observation' going on and to be honest, we felt like we were in a fish bowl. Finalization brought the end of all that examination, and it was a bit odd. We did withdraw for a few months so we could figure out how to be a 'normal' family. Oddly enough, Ryan's bfamily seemed to understand that.

Since then we've found a new equilibrium - it does adjust every so often - where we now talk on the phone about once a month (same as before Ryan was born) and send pictures every 2 months or so. We travel to visit once a year and they understand the door is open any time they want to come to our house.

It's not what we'd envisioned, as I said before, but it works for all of us. I wonder if that 'normalcy' is what this afamily is working on figuring out now?

Just a thought.

Regina