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Collette,
I agree with Jackie - you do have a lot of sensitivity and even patience with bmothers, especially your own. I was surprised by the caution that my son used when he wrote me. "If you can, if you can't, I understand."
My feelings about my kids was to be honest. I never felt I was keeping a secret about my first born when my three were growing up. It wasn't something I felt I was hiding. But when my son contacted me and I wrote back about my health, my families' health and that he had three siblings, I had to tell them. How could he know about them and they not know about him?
My husband knew but we were so busy raising kids and dealing with their growing up, there was no reason or time to talk about it.
Ironically enough, this is not our first experience with reunions. My husband lost custody of a child before we met. His first wife took off to Europe with the child and changed his name. When he became 18 he joined the US army and about 8 years later contacted his father. We met and have visited several times since. His mother was mentally ill and abusive. He had a very difficult childhood.
The reunion has not gone smoothly because he had to have complete control over how close he would allow himself to get to his father. Now, he needs his dad and is sharing more of himself with us. It's taken some pretty severe problems for that to happen.
On a lighter note, my kids first question was "Are there any more of us?"
Julie
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