[Booker]

I'm having difficulties getting posted but will try again.

Jackie, I can understand your anger. You had lost all control and the priest and your parents gave you nothing but platitudes in exchange. I hope it doesn't get in the way of your relationship with your son.

I think what I feel most is sorrow for relinquishing my son. I didn't have much choice because I was so sick in my early pregnancy. My mother, an RN, was somewhat surprised that I didn't lose the baby. He seemed fine to me when I held him and from what the doctors and nurses told me. I was very relieved to find that he was healthy and had grown up without problems from my surgeries and drugs I had to take. I don't know if he realizes how tough and what a survivor he truly is.
His adoptive parents were not told about my illness and surgeries. I think the adoption agency should have told them.

I made many choices - some good, many bad - because of the grief of losing a child.

So much work has to be done by the child and the birth parent that they can't do together that everything seems very complicated.

Julie