I have a concern w/ that that I actually mentioned at our last councilling session. She herself thinks she is doing just great and doesn't need therapy any more, that she feels like she never has anything to talk about and it kind of seems like a waste of time. She said she does miss her mom, but she doesn't really think about it because she's "preoccupied w/ her new life" (her words, she's pretty bright). I told her that while we all agree that everything looks great on the outside, my fear is that in a couple years when she's a teenager, she'll have issues because she hasn't confronted and dealt w/ her feelings about losing her mom. The thearapist and I told her that almost everyone has to deal w/ a lot of crap as a teenager anyway, that it's tough enough, we just want to make sure that she is as prepared and as healed as possible. She says that she thinks we think she misses her mom more than she actually does. She says she does miss her, but she doesn't miss her old life at all. She was very poor and always dreamed of the life she has now. She wanted stability and to feel safe. She says I act more like a "real mom" to her and she feels like she's been with our family forever-even though it's only been a year. I think one thing that may have helped was that her mom had talked about giving her up for adoption for a long time. She said she knew the day would come someday. We are also having an open adoption, so she knows she's most likely still get to see her mom every once and awhile (that's up to mom at this point, she's kind of made herself scarce). I let her talk about her life w/ her mom and never denegrate her. Also I think what has worked well for us to this point is getting her involved w/ sports- a dream she always had and now plays softball and soccer- and I'm very involved w/ her w/ school. I volunter in her class, chaparone field trips etc. I remember the first time I met her she said "I love my mom, but I wish I could have a normal life and do things normal kids do." We've taken a vacation to Disneyland and she's grown very close to her extended family-mine and my husbands siblings and parents. Again, she always dreamed of having a grandma. Don't get me wrong, we have days that are pretty challanging-she had never been disaplined and has always been told she is a "perfect child", which of course no body is- but most of the problems stem from both she and our 7 year old bio daugher previously being only children, and now having to share a room, tv etc. But, I feel things are much more better than any of the experts warned us about. You might want to check back in an couple of years.
Please feel free to ask me any more questions. I hope that helped!