[tomandcate]

Deb, I echo the thoughts of everyone else - I am so sorry this has happened because I can imagine your anguish. You trusted her and have feelings for her and this baby boy, and now you feel betrayed. I know it must be hard to imagine starting over.

I hope things will work out with her if you still want them too...I also know it could be a difficult decision based on her health. I wish you peace as you work through your feelings and the decisions to come.

I was going to suggest the same thing as Linny. We all know that each expectant mom, potential bmom, has every right to change her mind, and if she decides to parent, it will hopefully be the best thing for her child. However...the earlier you allow yourself to be matched, the more you are risking. My husband and I are older, so we just cannot afford risking as much time to be matched early in someone's pregnancy.

If this situation does not work out, or you are no longer willing to be matched with her, talk to your husband about how you can change your profile (i.e. which situations you are willing to consider) so that both of you can feel comfortable and more protective of your hearts and finances. As hard as it is to limit yourselves, or say "No" to a possible match, it will allow you to "bounce back" easier if needed. As Linny said, this might mean more time to wait for a situation that matches your needs, but it will allow you to move forward without abandoning your dream.

Good luck to you...my thoughts are with you and your DH. If you are not able to express everything to each other or feel like your true feelings are not being understood, maybe you can get some counselilng to help you both communicate and make sure he understands and accepts how important this is to you.

Cate