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Hi B.
We too adopted two boys that were "taken" not placed. The boys are now 9 (almost 10) and 8. We talk about their birthmom and dad alot ... and have some ongoing contact with them as well.
We talk about how there are people whose job it is to keep kids safe, about how their birthmom was unable to take care of any child then (when they were born) in the way a baby needs. That their birthmom loved them very much, and she wanted to be able to take care of them so she tried her best - but her best wasnt good enough to keep them safe.
We talked alot about the process of the adoption - about how a judge and a social worker (so its not YOU) made the decision that the boys needed a safe family to grow up in. While they were choosing a safe family and while they were hoping that birthmom would get the help she needed to be able to take care of kids herself, the child needs to be in a foster home (in your case grandma and grandpa). When it was decided that the child had waited long enough for birthmom to get better the judge/swer etc picked a forever family.
I would also say that the letters and contact we have from the birthfamily has helped our boys see that it isnt a figment of our imagination. Our boys' birthparents have been very open in talking about what happened with the boys and saying how sorry they are. They, now, are very supportive of our relationship and we all work together for the betterment of the kids.
In your situation I would imagine that contact with the bio siblings would also help him understand alot that his bmom has ongoing issues that affected other children too. Our boys too have an older sibling that was adopted to another family (whom we cant find) and two younger siblings that are being parented by their birthmom.
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