Hi all,
I am a reunited adoptee who searched for many,many years.
I love my adopted parents with all of my heart and my reunion with birth relatives did not change any of my feelings toward my adoptive parents. For me it is a totally separate issue.
The need to find one's heritage is soul deep. There is nothing to compare with looking in the mirror after so many years and finally seeing where my round face came from, where I got my smile.
I feel a very strong connection with my birth family. But i also feel a very strong connection with my adoptive family. I believe it is possible to have very strong relationships with both and in a lot of cases to incorporate these relationships.
I also think that wisdom comes with age
Maybe some of the adoptees who moved "to the other side" are very young and dealing with identity issues and other issues of their own.
Maybe some are still in the "honeymoon" stage with their birth families. I can only imagine how you birth moms feel.
In an ideal world, adoptees, adoptive parents and birth families could be one big happy family and it wouldn't be necessary to "choose" sides. I believe that this can happen more often than not. Maybe with time and patience it will happen for you.
Best wishes to all,
Snuffie