[KellyStacy]

I decided I needed to talk to the birthmom once again.We talked for hours,like we normally do anyway.I told her I have to be honost with her,there was a problem.As a couple we agreed that we did not want open adoption if ever we adopted.Everyone has their views and opinions on this subject but for us its not what we want.I told her we want to be up front and make sure that she fully understands if we adopt we could definitely do the pictures and phone calls.I told her I would not make a promise I could not keep,that is why i needed to let her know visits for us were just not an option.I told her I did not want to feel obligated whenever she wanted to see the child that I would have to let her visit.We feel as the child got older this would be a very uncomfortable and confusing for the child and also for her children.The birthmom agreed she said she talked to her friend who also agreed this would be too much for everyone involved.The birthmom was so happy I was first of all so honost with her.I told her I was so scared and was very upset and even crying because we want this baby so much.The birthmom said I should always feel free to tell her my feelings,which we have been doing all along.I tell her how I am afraid she will change her mind and the funny part is she is afraid I will change my mind!I told her I want her to feel completely comfortable in knowing that this baby will be loved so much.I told the birthmom I truely needed her opinion and she said she would be fine with pictures and phone calls.She suggested visits,but said after thinking she was not sure if that would be such a good idea either.Afterwards she asked if I felt better and of course I did.I just told her I want everything to work out for us,that I would never agree to something if I was not going to do it.We have a special bond which is really good,I am just so thankful for her.I don't know what will end up happening in this adoption.All we do is pray and hope our little miracle will come home soon.Thanks everyone for your advice.