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hi again,
I am sorry that you both have had problems with your children making contact with their birth parents, and that things are not as they should be.
I think that the birthparents should take some responsiblity in this situation and try to ensure that the adoptee keeps contact with the adoptive parents and support and encourage them in doing this. I am always saying that adoptive parents should support their children in contacting their birthparents if that is their wish or need. Life is a two way street and it has to go both ways.
In saying all that... your children are adults and have a right to make their own decisions and still had a right to be encouraged to do what they needed to do even if the result was extremely unfair and uncalled for and very wrong.
Frightenening adoptive parents into closing their minds about future reuinion is not the answer and possibly causing them to discourage adoptees to search and make contact is not the answer either.
I dont know what the answer is to be honest, you both sound like very open and caring parents who were happy enough with the fact that your children may make contact with birthparents and its clearly not your fault this has happened.
Can I ask you both a question?
If you were to go back in time - would there be anything you would do or think about differently with your children and would you change your attitude re the reunion thing?
R
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