Mom2: I confused myself with that one sorry!
I had to re-read her initial post to gleen that her husband was hoping for a closed adoption; but having found that I still agree that if he is this childs father his needs must also be considered.
You say:
Maybe you can consider having some visits for the first year, while the child is young enough not to really understand. This might be all the pbmom needs or it may not be.
Might not be...so what if it isn't?
If Kelly has already stated that she doesn't want to do visits and the mother has said that she does why propose a compromise that Kelly controls but neither is comfortable with? IMO the only thing either of them need to consider is whether they can agree to live with the terms the other is asking for, not agree to terms that can/will be changed as the child gets older.
I just think that unless a P-A-parent is as comfortable with visitation as YOU are she shouldn't be pursuing an adoption where the mother indicates a desire to visit.
BTW: Thank you for clarifying things for me; I luv your ideas and posts! (usually)
TJ