Originally posted by Byngee12
Mom2 if visits the first year give her comfort what happens when that door closes after the child becomes older and she no longer knows and sees that he/she is comfortable, knows where its living and that its well?
.......No it is not.... and that was NOT what I was implying!!!!
See this isn't a situation that she will likely forget; she'll have the same concerns forever.
......You really can't speak for someone else. My daughter's bmom had one visit and that was all in 3 years. She still has our phone number and address but has moved and decided she needs to move on with her life, without us. Each situation is different. I have been turned down at least 3 times because I wanted an open adoption and the pbmom wanted closed. I was by no means, saying she should lie to her or mislead her, only talk to her about her feelings. How do you know she may be okay with visits for the first year and then just pictures thereafter. You don't know. The point I was trying to make is that maybe something can be worked out between the parties. The pbm's husband is not supporting her in her desire for visits, which is another big problem. In most cases, the wife will listen to the husband and she may close the adoption herself, down the line to keep things calm at home with her husband. This situation is not good. The pbm should not have anyone pressuring her to what she should and shouldn't have. It should be her decision, not her husbands to dictate to her.
Also you say you feel her husbands input is bad for her; my question is why?
....I didn't say her husband input was bad for her. I think it's bad that he is telling her not to do an open adoption. I think it's wrong of him to tell her how to handle this....
Either he is her childs dad or at the very least her system of support and IMO has every right to be as involved in this planning process as KellyStacy's husband.
....Now you have me confused. Her husband wants a closed adoption. This was what Kelly wrote about him... "after talking to her husband decided against visits."