We have 3 total open adoptions. It's the only way we'd do them. I research alot before we adopted. I talked to alot of adoptees on here in the chat room. We decided it was what was best for ALL involved, especially for our children. Open adoption is NOT co-parenting, unless co-parenting is what you want.
We are our childrens parents. There is no doubt or questions about that. We have frequent visits, TONS of pictures & letters & emails in between visits. It has been a VERY healthy experience for everyone!! We are all comfortable. Our oldest is now 4 1/2. She knows she was born in "L's" Tummy & that "L" is her Birth Mom. Like Brandy stated, as soon as we could, adoption was talked about. It wasn't shoved down her throat, but it is discussed on a regular basis.
I think the confusion for children comes when they DON'T know anything. Or if they have too many questions that can't be answered. We as the adoptive parents don't have all the answers. I feel comfortable knowing that the questions I can't answer are only a phone call away to the Bmom.
When we have visits, it isn't uncomfortable at all. The BMoms are secure with the decision they made especially because we invlve hem as much as we do. Because they aren't left in the dark about the child. Sending art work from the child, or making a phone call to them on a special happening in the child's life makes everyone feel more secure. I think it's great when Cylie does something special & wants to call "L" to tell her. Or that she makes something & wants to send it to her.
Being able to SEE their BMoms also gives them an identity. They can SEE for themselves who they look like. Each of our children has of course physical as well as mannerisms from their BMom's. For instance, Cylie has her BMoms crooked pinky finger & we call it her "L" finger. She has feet like her Birth Brother. Our 2 year old Cirrah is a "CLONE" to her BMom in looks AND personality. We will mention at times to her, "you look just like "M" when you do that". She is only 2 but knows who "M" is. Our son is only a year so we haven't really begun abything with him, but we talk about his BMom with the girls.
Open adoption is something you have to be COMPLETELY comfortable with. If you aren't it will be a disaster. You will resent the BMom & she will fell betrayed. Rethink your decisions. It has to be a comfortable decision. Don't go with a situation because you think you can change things to fit you or that you think another may not come along soon or that it has taken you so long to match you should jump on it & do what you want later. Think about the child, & do what is best for ALL of you involved!
As I put in my signature, :Open adoption doesn't complicate of family, it COMPLIMENTS it"
Good Luck!!
Deb