Bless you honey....
I can only say how I feel personally. I have never been adopted, only fostered in numerous families. This I think is totally different to being adopted. I have never had a "mother" figure around. Mine left me when I was seven, and to this day I see her as my "mother". And to me, no-one on this earth will ever replace her.
For those that have been adopted, it is very different. They know their adoptive parents as their "mother" and "father" because they are the ones that have brought them up, loved and cared for them since birth, or shortly after. Now, I guess, a lot thereafter, depends on what kind of upbringing they have had. Whether they have had a good upbringing, with parents that love and care for them. Or whether they have had an abusive upbringing with not so caring and loving parents.
The ones that have had a good upbringing with their adoptive parents, may not feel the "need" to search or be re-united with their birthparents. They might feel totally whole with how their life already is. Then again, the curiosity, (if they know that they are adopted) might get the better of them, and they may want to find their birthparents.
For the adoptees that have had not such a good upbringing, they might feel like they missed out, on the one thing that most people take for granted, a loving mum and dad. They might want to find them, be in their lives, because they do not feel whole, like they "belong". I know I, for one, really miss not having a "mother" figure in my life. I am not saying I want my mother to "make up" for all the missed years, she cannot. But wouldnt it be nice if she was at the end of the telephone, for me to talk to, hell yeah! It would be nice to be able to write to her, to send her birthday, xmas cards etc. And to see her, wow! that would be very scary......but nothing would mean more to me. Now for me, I dont think it will ever happen. But it does happen, and it does work out for a lot of adoptees/birthparents.
The only thing I will say is, (not in your case Candie) but in other birthmother's cases, PLEASE do not contact/find your birthchild, or let your family do it, if it is not what YOU really want/can deal with. As in my case, I was initially contacted by my birthmother's family, to be kept dangling on a piece of string for years (six) with no intention from her to see me, make the sacrifice to deal with whatever pain she has to, but her family kept making promises, only to break them. That has hurt me more than anything. I have videos, pictures, I can look, but hey! stay away! That's not fair. Then after six years, of keeping me dangling, I get rejected.
Candie, why do you think today has brought out feelings in you that you have never felt before, because of the post you read this morning? I know it is hard sweetie. Some adoptees probably do feel "nothing". They have had their "mom" and "dad" there for them their whole life. You have known all these years that your daughter is out there....you have missed her all these years. How you feel is so different to how some adoptees feel. There is nothing wrong with how you feel, I would be "over the moon" if you were my birthmother. Shame you are not!
. But you do not know how your daughter is feeling, if she knows about you, how much you love and miss her. Time will tell, and you will only know these things when you are re-united.
I feel the same about my birthmother, how can she feel nothing, but she told me she does not love me, she only gave birth to me. I can forgive her for leaving me, but to say to me, she doesnt love me, only gave birth to me, that really hurts. Why is she doing it, only she knows.
All I can say to you, you are such a wonderful, caring and loving person. You do what your heart tells you. I will be there for you, to support you the best I know how, for when the time comes. Please do not assume, because one adoptee feels nothing, that they all do, because this is not the case. How could anybody not "take" to you? It's impossible! But it all takes time and patience.
Take care friend
Collette x