[crick]

I, too, am facing the same situation you are for the most part.

I have 4 kids and they were removed from the birthhome. My daughter especially has a lot of issues and misses her bmom very much, eventhough she really doesn't remember much about her. (thinks she does but....)

When we first adopted them a little over two years ago, I never thought we'd want to contact the bparents. But now, I feel much differently. While I don't want any personal contact with them and my kids certainly are not going to have personal contact until they are much older and emotionally ready, I do feel it would benefit all of us if we had more information, pictures, and a way to give my daughter a bit of security in knowing that her bmom is okay.

So much of her pain, anger and loss is due to her missing her bmom, forgetting what she looks like (which makes her feel guilty), and also feeling like she's being disloyal to her bmom by starting to love me. I really feel if my daughter had a picture of her bmom, it would help in so many ways. Plus, just knowing that she's okay would ease her fears. My daughter's imagination and fantasies are hurting her so I really feel if she had something tangible to see and valid information, her fantasies would lessen a bit.

For your daughter, I would focus on the bonding and your family for now. It's too soon I think. However, I do agree that you might make contact for some information to hold onto until you feel the time is right to share it with your daughter.

My plan is to have a family member in another state set up a pobox and act as the "messenger". This way, the bparents will not have our address or even the state we live in. I feel it's the safest way to begin contact.

You might pm Jensboys as she has opened up contact with her son's bfamily and has a lot of good suggestions.

Crick