[wenrl]

I am just in the thinking stage with this thing and am wondering if some adopted adults and birth parents could offer up some suggestions.

We are adopting an 8 year old girl through the state foster care system. She was very young when removed from her birth family. She does not know what her mother looks like or much about her, although this does seem to be a point of fantasy for her (perfectly normal I know). Her parents were not particularly abusive, but were in and out of prison and not around much in her life from the beginning. She has no photos prior to about a year ago and remembers very little.

Our little girl is a beautiful sweet child with a lot of sadness in her. We want to do the best for her, not only now, but as she grows into an adult. I worry that she will want to know her birth parents when she is older, but will be unable to do so, because they will be dead (or killed most of thier brain cells) due to their lifestyles.

Anyway, I was able to get her mother's current contact information from the a friend in the police department. I do not know what I should do with this information, but I am considering attempting contact, safely through a third party, once our adoption is finalized. I am hoping that if our daughter's birth family is interested, we could exchange a letter every year or so, or maybe just once, so that our child will have something from them at least and not be left with such a big empty wound for life. I do not know if this would make things worse or better for anyone, but I feel like it is something that should be attempted at least.

I do feel that our daughter is not ready to know anything about contact and it would have to be introduced slowly and with the advice of her therapist, but I do not want any opportunities to be missed because we had the information, but were afraid to use it.

If you are a birth parent, how would you have reacted to this? If you are an adoptee, how would you feel if your adoptive parents tried to do this for you? Is it too soon? Should we wait and let our daughter figure all this out for herself in adulthood? Are we overstepping our bounds here? Or, is this the most supportive thing we can do for everyone? All opinions are welcome! Tell me what you think.