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We've adopted all of our children. All seven of them. I understand what you are talking about and going through. However, we have not found this type of sceniaro to be true with our infant adoptions.
Our children who were older child adoptions (three of the seven) do not wish to go back to bios...or have ANY contact. They DO have problems trusting us due to their horrific life previous to going into care. I'm suspecting...after over six years.....this is something that will never go away.
And you're correct. The classes we were required to take, do little to nothing to tell us that these issues will always be a part of our children....at least as they grow up. Sad, but true.
The saddest and most irritating thing to me, as a momma, is that I never, ever get to 'just be the momma'. I'm always the 'counselor' too. Oh yeah, I know that 'all moms are counselors too'....but this is truly different---as I'm sure you probably can attest to as well.
There is seldom EVER a time where our relationship with the older adopted kids can 'just be'. There is always some insecurity some 'old behavior from long ago' that always raises it's ugly head-----just when you think they've 'shaken' it!!! (And my kids continue to go to counseling whenever needed.)
That is my testament to older child adoption. For a couple of reasons I've written about in other places...and the reasons above, we went back to infant adoptions.....privately. Sure, every kid---adopted or bio is going to have issues throughout their life....but adopting an older child goes beyond the realm of 'parenting'.
Just my two-cents....
Linny
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