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Old 10-25-2004, 10:31 AM
DianeS DianeS is offline
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Congratulations on making your decision!

Older children are waiting for adoption in several different places. Each of those "places" has children of different races, languages, experiences, histories of abuse/neglect/institutionalization, different procedures on how to adopt, etc. So I'll go over some basics to get you started talking about which route you'll choose to take.

There are some older children available for private adoption, just like you'd adopt an infant, but they're few and far between. People just don't usually place older children for adoption willingly very often. But they do exist (for instance, in cases where the parent has a terminal disease and does not wish family to raise the children). Fees for adopting these older children are quite similar to the fees for adopting an infant, and depend greatly on the individual agency ($5,000 to $15,000 can be average, some agencies reduce costs for older children, but not all do). All races and ethnicities are available. Keeping the child in contact with biological relatives is often possible. Information you are given about the child is usually correct. The children are usually healthy and decently cared for. The child will usually live with the adoptive parents for the state minimum time (usually 6-12 months) before the adoption is finalized.

Next is the foster care system in the United States. Each state has their own way of deciding which children will be removed from their parents, but they are similar in that all children removed will have been abused or neglected to some extent. Some slightly, some grossly. Children live with foster families while their parents work to improve their lives so the children can be returned to them. If the parents fail this attempt, the children become available for adoption. Fees for adopting these children are usually $0, but can be a few hundred dollars that would be refunded by the state after the adoption is final. Often, a monthly subsidy check is sent to the adoptive parents. All races and ethnicities are available. Keeping the child in contact with biological family is sometimes possible. Information you are given about the child may or may not be correct - a lot of "checking the facts" is up to the adoptive parents. You can have a child move in who may or may not stay with you permanently (parents are still working the case plan and may or may not succeed in getting the child back), in which case the child may live with you for years before the adoption can be finalized. OR you can wait until an already legally-free child is located, in which case the child will usually live with you for some time over the state minimum (again, usually 6-12 months) before the adoption is finalized.

And finally, there is international adoption. Children end up in their countries' orphanages or foster homes for a variety of reasons. Poverty can lead a family to voluntarially place a child in an orphanage so the child can be fed. Children can be removed from parents for abuse or neglect. Etc. Many of the children in the orphanages are NOT available for adoption, because their parents are still alive and have not signed the agreement to allow the children to be adopted yet. Children live in orphanges or foster families, or both, while waiting for parents to reclaim them or for an adoptive family to be found. Fees for adopting these children vary by country, but are rarely less than $10,000 and can be greater than $30,000. The races and ethnicities available depend on the country you've chosen. Some agencies or countries reduce the cost for these older children, but not all of them do. Keeping the child in contact with biological family is usually impossible. Information you are given about the child's medical history is usually correct, but information about the child's behaviors may or may not be correct. In most countries, you meet the child for a few hours or up to a week or so, and then the adoption is finalized.

So, some questions to consider:
How much money are you willing to spend on fees (legal fees, travel fees, country fees, etc) to adopt a child?
How much are you able to travel (in your state, in your country, anywhere in the world) to adopt a child?
How long could you remain away from home?
How much time would you like to take to get to know the child before the adoption was final?
How much risk are you willing to accept in choosing a child who may not ultimately become a legal part of your family?
How correct must the information about the child be?

And finally, do more soul-searching about special needs. Special needs can be anything from ADHD, asthma, club foot, cleft palate or other issue that is often easily dealt with all the way to mental retardation, needing a wheelchair, multiple handicaps, missing limbs, mental illness, etc. Even being "older" (as in, older than toddler age) can be labeled a special need. So can being a minority race. You may find it easier to talk about if you call them "issues" instead of "special needs". What "issues" would you be able to work with in a child? And what is your own definition of "severe"? Your own defination will be different from your caseworker's, so you'll want to hammer that out a bit more.

Feel free to ask more questions, think out loud, whatever you need to on this forum. After you've nailed down the answers to some of those questions, and ultimately decided on the type of adoption, the more specialized boards will help you more. The type of adoption you decide to do will guide your choice of agency, too, and will guide the type of books you should be reading, the groups you should check out or join, etc.

Enjoy yourself! The process can be a lot of fun, always assuming you have the patience to not pull your hair out!
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