|
like linny,
i could of said those words myself.
these kids leave a scar on the family for quite a while. i have often said that i have PTSD from living with my son.
i remember the minute he gave me the look....(the im going to meltdown in a minute look)..my heart would stop.
even if he didnt, the past issues put me over the edge.
like linny, i too have had 'panic attackes'.....too funny linny, i never knew what to call them, but mine would be driving on the highway....all of a sudden i would get these fears and start driving in the right line for fear of getting in an accident...
i blammed it on too much coffee...lol....but i wasnt drinking too much coffee....
i still get these mini 'panic attackes' on the highway....there was just so much going on in the family....that i think thats what it was or is.
as for my younger son, in therapy, just the other day, he said that he missses his brother, but he feels safer without him there.....
so i feel that we did what we had to do...the anger, the self doubt, the sadness is all still there......but when i see how my other son is doing, i guess the decision was the best for both kids.
hang in there...i know its hard, but it does get easier. we werent disclosed everything about our kids either, i found out when the lawyer by accident left our kids legal record behind and i read it.
there was so much in their at the court hearings, and the abuse that they sustained, and im angry that we werent aware of everything.
i feel adoptive parents, and foster parents need to know everything in order to help their child heal...
someone on here told me once...which i loved.
"ITs not that we didnt do enough, its that others did too much"
dadfor2
|