Tiya:
'I am having a real hard time just going day to day without being mad at the system at their bio parents (which are in prison), at myself for not asking more questions, at the world for letting this happen to our family. All we wanted was to expand our family and have a great family. I didn;t adopt to have people say what a wonderful thing we are doing for kids like this. I did it to share the world of parenthood with my husband.' --Tiya
I could have written those very words a few years ago. I strongly suspect that you are going through some post traumatic syndrome disorder (PTSD). It is SO common for parents who have been through the 'muck' with these kids! I denied it for months before I realized I wasnt' thinking too clearly, and started having panic attacks (something I had NEVER had before in my life!) Point is.....you have EVERY reason to be ANGRY at the system, his bios.....but NO reason to be angry and resentful to yourself. You did the right thing. You were only trying to love another child. What happened at this point, was 'his choice'....and you can't blame yourself for his choices.
I got help through the same attachment therapist that counseled our son and our other kids when this 'son' left our home. It was tough....but, literally, I knew the day I woke up----just one day----and realized I truly wanted to make the bed...that I was getting better! To even talk to this son in residential through phone counseling, can set me on edge. I am very frightened of him, and for the safety of my other kids.
Unlike most people, we did not have to have DHS to get involved to have him placed. His works, admissions into psych hospitals and my documentation and that of others, was enough to put him where he could not harm himself or others.
But........if DHS is involved, then they should be providing some sort of 'post adoption services' to you and your family. I'd be checking this out too. Additionally, this is something that probably won't be settled quickly within your family. These children leave a lot of damage in their wake...and unfortunately, your other children and yourselves are part of it. Please be good to yourselves...try to get some counseling beyond your support group, and give yourselves time.
What our families have gone through is a nightmare, to say the least. But, with God's help, you'll survive. You've already survived living with the nightmare........eventually, you'll get beyond this.
((((( hug))))))))
Sincerely,
Linny