I really feel for you. It has been eighteen years since I went through what you are going through but time does not take away the memory of the pain. Before I relinquished my rights I was agonized over changing my mind and getting him back. I did not but it was, as in your case, because of a lack of support. Noone forced me to give him up but noone was there for me either.

The last response you received said it the best. I do not know if you have relinquished your rights yet but if you are set that this is the way it is, that he is adopted, then you absolutely should live your life so that you will be the person you can be. I would strongly suggest you talk to someone about this. You need to talk about what you are feeling and have it acknowledged that you just lost the most important person in your life and you need to grieve. While he is not gone forever he is gone from your everyday life and that is a pain unimaginable to most people. Just because he was not planned does not make him any less your son.

I hope you have someone to talk to even if it is online. You need support. I wish you all the best and write if you want to.
shaun