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For five years, my husband and I were unable to conceive. I didn't know why, and for some reason we both felt very comfortable with not pursuing it. We knew that there was a family for us, but not right then. It was hard to accept, but through prayer and holding on to each other, we did and got on with the other things we felt we should do.
My sister would offer advice and tell me what I should try--it was probably the same thing she had, right?
People at our church would stop me in the hallway, and tell me that they knew what was wrong with me, and offer advice. Odd, considering I didn't think there was anything wrong with me--I never discussed our infertility with anyone, not even family.
My MIL stopped my dh one night and let into him that he was denying me the right to become a mother (bless her heart for thinking I would be a good one) and he had to tell her that she'd jumped to conclusions, and we had been trying with no luck.
My SIL called to start the fertility conversation for the billionth time--she was sure that it was my dh, as that was her problem and if we would just go and get it checked out--but I stopped her. I had really had it. I told her that I was happy, and couldn't she just be happy for me being happy? I loved my life--a job that I loved, a hubby that I loved--a whole life that I loved. I didn't need to go after the kids--not just yet. I was happy the way I was and she should be happy for me. She was quiet for a moment and then she let me have it. So if my life was so great, I obviously hated her life, and her children and her being a mother. How could I respect her lifestyle and love her children if I didn't want my own right away. She hung up and we didn't speak for a year.
It was then that I realized that everyone is different, but it is possible to respect one another's choices and love one another without following them.
We realized why we'd been so inclined to wait, when our little boy came to us in the most unusual way this last year--something that would not have happened had we pursued other paths earlier on. We had done what was right for us.
You have to let them do what is right for them. I have a cousin who has adopted a little boy. He is now about five and they have been waiting for the last four years for a little girl to join their family, but they might have a long wait, as they are very specific about the child--it must be a local birth and a white, infant girl. Dh and I have often discussed that perhaps if they were willing to adopted out of state or children of other races or children that were a little older, they might not still be waiting. But, as I think about it, I wouldn't want them to have a AA child or a toddler, if that wasn't what they wanted--not fair to the child. Not right? Who's to say--they have to do what is right for them.
I just got off the phone with sis, who is telling me that now we have adopted ds, we will get pregnant--she knows a dozen or so such people--and that I need to go get started with the testing now and do what is necessary to concieive. I'm crossing my fingers that she will get fed up with me and decide to offer the silent treatment as well. :-)
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