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McKenna, I have thought about this extensively over the years, as we have several friends who struggled with getting pregnant. My sister and her husband have opted to remain childless; though it is assumed that neither is infertile, and they would make great parents. They have very very busy and fulfilling professional/personal lives without a child. I respect their choice immensely.

We have other friends who longed to be parents and used every medical procedure known to conceive; most did so with success. I also respected their choice. However, my dearest friend said to me, many years ago during her fertility struggle, that she would never be able to adopt; though she had hoped to. Her husband had verbalized his certain inability to love a child that was not biologically related to him. She had always known that adoption would be our only choice for growing our family. I felt so sad for her that day. A year after our discussion, she gave birth to twins. Time, a lack of physical proximity and life changes have forever altered our relationship. Funny though, I still feel immense sadness for her, not because she did not choose a path of adoption, but because she learned something about her life partner that I know was difficult and disappointing.

Others often seemingly have an attitude of, "it's great for you but never right for me." It used to really piss me off when I would see it rear it's head in crowds of acquaintances or colleagues, never friends. Now, it never makes me angry. I sometimes feel sad for those people. I think that they do not get it; they think that a child must resemble them or that passing on their "genes" is what parenting is about. Please do not get me wrong; I am not criticizing those who have a deep urge to do so. I just do not understand the overwhelming desire to be a parent but the unwillingness to examine the goal rather than the route of getting there.

I think people are often ill informed or unaware entirely. Maybe they do not think that our love is as great or that it is reciprocated by our children. They do not think that our bond is the same as those to whom they gave birth. I think that they assume somehow, somewhere that our lives, as a family, are so different from theirs. Of course, the path is different; the circumstances vary according to our individual situations and experiences, but I do not know many people who have an identical outlook as another, sometimes even those raised in the same biological families. I have watched our friends, none of whom have adopted or have much familiarity with adoption, become certain, become aware that our family is exactly like theirs, that our bond is just as strong, that our love runs as deep. The people that we care about and surround ourselves with - get it. Those who do not probably have not spent much time expanding their minds, opening their souls and discovering much about their inner spirit and being. Hopefully through knowing you and your son they will be inclined to do so.