[crawfolf]

I had sent off to get the non-identification information and I was told that I could not have anything that portains to my daughter or her family that adopted her. They flat out refused me any kind of way to contact her. I told them that they could tell her about this forum and that if she wanted to contact me that I am registered on this forum and they would not even relay that to her either. They just don't want to help in any way, shape or form. All they say is that they will put in her file that I did contact them in order for a chance of contact with my daughter. They said they would put that in her file so that when she contacts them it will show that I have tried to make contact with her. They will not even let her know that I am looking for her. I really don't ask for much but just to let her know that I am looking for her and that I love her and miss her with all my heart and soul. It breaks my heart everytime they close the door in my face when it comes to her. I thought the adoption law was to protect the bmom but when a bmom wants to be found they should let the child know that the bmom wants to be found. It sounds to me like they are just trying to save and protect their ownself instead of the ones that it really applies to. They are so wrapped up in trying to control who knows what that they do not take the people who are involved into consideration. If the person wants to be found then it should be their obligation to make sure that all parties know about it instead of trying to hide it away in some file that the other person is more than likely not going to see. It is almost like they intend on making sure that no one can be found no matter how hard you try to find each other. I really think the laws need to be changed so that if a person wants to be found and they ask that the contact is through the place where the child was adopted then they should contact the other person and tell them and then let them decide whether or not they want to be found. They will not even let me know how she is doing or if she is dead or alive. They will not give me any information about her at all. I am still left in the dark just like I was 21 years ago when they took her away from me. I am starting to think that I will never get to see my daughter's pretty face again. You nearly have to be on your death bed or mentally unstable in order for you to be able to make contact with the one you are looking for otherwise you can kiss your chances goodbye because it will never happen. I am sorry for venting for so long, it is just that it depresses me so much that I have a hard time focussing on anything. It seems to be affecting my job also because my mind keeps wondering to her and this situation and I can't focus on my work. I work in the postal service so I have to be focussed on what I am doing or otherwise people would not get their mail on time. I like things to go smoothly at work and right now I can't do that if I am depressed and can't stay focussed on my job. All I want is to make contact with my daughter and they all seem to rufuse me the one thing I want. I hope that other bmoms and adoptees have better luck then I will ever have. Good luck to all and God Bless each and everyone of you.