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As a bmom, I spent some time, when I was pregnant with my bdaughter, thinking about what would happen if I placed my daughter, and then had secondary infertility down the road....
I grew up in a very pro-adoption sort of family, several adopted friends, and adopted cousin, my parents even started pursuing international adoption for a while.... So adoption was always seen in a very positive light in our family.
Then I got pregnant. All of sudden, the "other" side of adoption became more real. The hurt and pain and loss associated with it.
What I ended up deciding was, if I turned out to have secondary infertility, and placed Marie, I would just have to deal with it when it happened...
It never happened (fortunately), but in all the time I spent thinking about it, I had a really hard time thinking about adopting.... It's hard to explain why. I was worried about feeling resentment over having to pay adoption expenses when I'd already had a baby the easy way (biologically) and relinquished her. I was also worried about reliving my own pain through another birthmother. I was also concerned about explaining to Marie my reasons for "giving" her away and then adopting another. Lots of reasons....
So for three years, I've thought I couldn't do it, I would have remained childless if infertility occurred.
Now my feelings are starting to change.... Of course dh and I have a bio baby now, so it's not an issue... but if it ever does come up, I'm more open to it... Although I'm beginning to think I might want an older child from foster care, not a newborn.
I don't know. Guess I'm just saying that you never know people's reasons... maybe they've had a negative experience with adoption.. .who knows.
I certainly don't think adoptive families are any less bonded, "real," or "desirable" than bio families. My struggle with the idea of adopting came from my own experience as a bmom.
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