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I just wanted to say that there are some real differences in biological parenting and adoptive apernting. Not that it is a big hairy deal but it is important to know the differences and recognize that there will be some. Most are not in the same league as not telling a kid until they are an adolescent. That is a is a BIG deal and probaby the first place where this SW freaked out. The thing is that you guys haven't adopted, you aren't in the "know" about all the research on adoption issues and a homestudy is just the perfect time to learn. Unfortunately you got one of those condescending do gooder type Social Workers who believe that they are smarter and more "evovled" than mere mortals. I have had my share of them to. I am not a SW basher but while I have had wonderful smart and very sensitive SWs I have had a few of theis type as well.
My dh had read every thing about adoption and rasing adopted kids and we still got lectured so it is not you, it is him. I have been there an it is not fun. I think it is especially hurtful when coming off of infertility where you see truely unfilt people popping out baby after baby and you have to PROVE yourself to self important nebish in order to become a parent.
Some of the things you have said raise some red flags (when to disclose, not willing to educate yourself about parenting) but this could be a time of education, instead you have a situation where you have become defensive (rightly so) and it may all be counterproductive.
Why don't you do some reading on your own so that you learn the important adoption stuff without having to be spoken down to. and just get this over with.
"Raising Adopted Kids"
"Adoption After Infertility"
"The Open Adoption Experience"
" Twenty Things Adopted Kids...."
Are good for adoption issues
"Your Baby and Child"
"The Happiest Baby on The Block"
"Touch Points"
are good child devolpement and paenting books if you have heard about "Babywise" for God's sake don't mention it to this SW.
lisa
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