[Brat]

I've been reading, "I Love You Like Crazy Cakes" to my 7-mo-old daughter. Of course, she has no idea what I'm talking about, and the writer is talking to her daughter adopted from China (ours was a domestic adoption). But it's a cute, compassionate story, and I want her to have a diverse understanding of adoption, eventually.

How neat that your daughter is already asking questions. Sounds like a bright little gal. But I can understand how you might be hesitant to refer to her birthmother as a mother. But she is. I think many of us amoms get nervous about that...but I think we need not be. There's enough room in our children's hearts for the both of us, especially when the truth is just the truth. Maybe you can transition to Tummy Mother instead of Tummy Lady then move forward from there as she gets older.

That's assuming you have a hesitancy with calling her a mother--don't want to put words in your mouth.

I think that if we communicate (and remember!) how grateful we are that our children's birthmoms allowed us to raise our daughters, they'll benefit from the positive aspects of their adoption, and dwell less on the loss. At least that is my hope, and I'm sure it's the hope of my daughter's birthmom.

I think you have rec'd some great advice--I especially agree with JensBoys' friends' suggestions and will use them myself.