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decided to disrupt
I have made the decision not to continue with my adoption plans. I have gone back and forth many many times. I gave notice to her caseworker and mine yesteday. The child's (or should I say young adult 16 yrs) caseworker was disappointed and wanted me to realize that in the past five months she feels that the child is doing better as far as the major incidents and problems were fewer and farther between and there was actually 4 weeks when things went ok for us. She also told me that she is sure that this child feels mine is going to be her permanent home and she will be very disappointed. She has been in several foster, pre-adoptive, and group homes prior to mine. I can't help but think that she is trying to make me feel guilty. She told me yesterday and times before that I was doing all of the right things. My caseworker feels that I've been through some bad things, but that they "probably' wont happen again.. She has had two fire starting incidents before and one at my home. She decides to do this when a family decides not to "keep" her, according to her. The day it happened in my fome was a day that she was feeling a little rejected I'm sure. They both think and explain to me that these things will cease once I finalize. I dont feel comfortable with this and don't necessarily believe it will stop. I don't want to take that chance. The fact that I have not bonded at all with her is another reason that I've decided to terminate. They say that I have a 30 day wait before she can be removed from my home and placed in another home. I do not want them to tell her now and leave her in my home for 30 days. I'm still checking on some things regarding that issue. I'm not looking forward to them telling her because she is extremely dramatic and will over react as usual. When I explain that to my caseworker she hits me with "sounds like you care about her mom", or "sounds like you like her to me mom". I do not dislike her and I do feel for her having to be moved over and over again. I also feel a sense of relief in making the decision to disrupt, so that tells me that, in my heart, I'm making the right decision for both of us. has anyone out there gone through an older child disruption such as this lately?? nrj
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