AJ
Have to say AJ that you were very brave in and honest in asking advice.
I think DL is completely wrong, but this of course is only my opinion.
This for what it is worth is how I see it, I live in a the uk, were there are only closed adoptions.
I feel simply that if someone wishes to give a child up for adoption, then they should do just that, and give the child a chance for a completely new life.
To have another 'mummy' visiting now and again can be confusing, it is so much easier for the child to grow up with just one set of parents.
It is important however to keep a contact with the a parents, so that one day if the child wishes to contact her b mother and ask for any info that can be done.
When I see open adoptions I feel that they are more about the birth mother than the child, if you are going to give a child a new life, let him or her go.
It is important to each adoptee in most cases anyway to know their roots, including myself, but when they are ready they will start to ask the questions.
So I feel you are being honest with yourself and not at all selfish, infact that is the harder option for you (closed adoption), but I feel anyway better for the child.
I know what I have said may upset some birth mothers, but I feel the need to be honest, and I have had some experience myself and of the other adult adoptees that I personally know.... they all feel the same.
Take care,
Renda
