[kdkhopper]

First of all, congratulations on being offered a referral! Our 3 1/2 y.o. ds, adopted domestically, is African American, dh and I are caucasian so I understand your concerns. Fortunately, we've had very few "issues" related to our trans-racial adoption so far. We were pretty concerned with dh's family - they're from Northern Michigan and had zero experience with any other ethnicities than their own. However, one look at our son and they were all madly in love! There have been "educational opportunities" with family and friends about racial stereotypes as well as adoption stereotypes, but pretty easy so far. There have also been a few opportunities for comedy relief (like my mom asking me if we were going to tell our son that he was adopted and the little girl at church asking me why his hair is like that ;-) Like I said - great opportunities!

That's not to say that we don't expect more serious issues down the road, especially when ds begins to realize physical differences between himself and his mommy and daddy. We try to expose him to lots of different cultures, right now mostly through books and videos. There are lots of wonderful children's books that address differences and celebrating what makes us each unique. We're also very fortunate to live in a very ethnically diverse neighborhood, so lots of opportunity for positive interactions with other cultures.

I think the most important thing for me personally was to do some serious soul searching to make sure I didn't have any hang-ups about having a child of a different race. It was difficult and I had to confront some stereotypes and predjudices, as well as insecurities, that I didn't even know I had. I had to make sure I had the ability to help my son feel good about who he is and to be proud of his heritage. The first time I held him in my arms, I knew that he was meant to be our son, regardless of any differences in heritage we might have. Making him part of our family was the right decision for us.

I think that society as a whole is much more accepting of colorful families and children such as the little girl who may join your family who have a rich and diverse heritage. It's such a personal decision and I think that it speaks well of the type of person you are that you're taking this decision so seriously. Good luck to you in your adoption journey - feel free to pm me if you have any other questions.