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Heal
I hope you know that you are not alone. So many of us have struggled with these strong feelings all of our lives. Take care of your mental health - I have, and it's helping while I wait for the phone to ring for more devastating news.
Know that this isn't all of who you are (I know, whatever that is), but it isn't.
Write in a journal and figure out what things you love (food, etc...), and do something everyday that you enjoy. I have had days when I haven't done these things, but it takes an effort to get out of the black hole of all this stuff. You were born for a reason.
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