[bromanchik]

You are not selfish to be hurting right now. How you feel is how you feel. But I would like to offer this. Get counseling, join a support group, find someone that can help you process and deal with your feelings. Walking away from those feelings are not going to make them go away. Working through them is tough work, but it is the only way you will get to the other side... and you will get to the other side.

Right now, at your son's young age, each visit may seem as if it is only a reminder of all you are not to your son. But you are laying a foundation that will last the rest of his life. Someday soon you will be something very special to your son. His one and only birthmother. He will have grown up always knowing you love him, because you were there.

If every other month is too much try every three months. The most important thing will be the support though. Open adoption is a committment worth keeping. I have been in a fully open adoption since my son's birth. He turns 20 in two weeks. I know that we would not have the relationship we do now if I walked away from him when he was a baby. Nor would he have the relationships he does with me and my whole extended family. It is worth the fight.