[nrj]

I believe that part of the problem is that she hasn't made any friends yet. She started at the very end of the last school year and not many high school kids live near us. I did get a call from school this morning and held my breath till I found out it wasn't another problem, but they were working with her to choose activities. I got the feeling that they already know that she will be a "regular" in the guidence office, but they are very nice about it and said they will do anything to help her in any way and they are there for us. She is very very sociable and the recommend the CAP program. Its a community assistance program where she will be in a group out there helping in the community. That will be excellent for her. She is very caring and loves to be around people. I can see so much potential, but I feel that she wont be able to eliminate all of the attention seeking that she does. One thing I also did not do was to tell her that she is going to be my daughter no matter what and that I will never send her back or give up on her. I think that I was supposed to say that to her, but my caseworker said "dont say it if you don't feel it". I also have never told her that I loved her, which she said form the beginning every day at least once. I just dont feel close to her at all, but maybe thats how everyone feels at 4.5 months. Im not sure. I thought that I'd have more feelings for her by now. I know that all of the other families promised her that she would be there permanently and she was deeply disappionted when they terminated. I wanted to be honest with her throughout this adjustment period. I don't know if that was the right thing to do. I dont have a degree in psychology, I'm just going by what I feel is the right thing to do. Today I feel better about things, but I know it wont be long before something else comes along to give me doubts. I dont think she'll be able to get respite in my school district. Mostly everyone thinks that I should disrupt. The good days make me hold off. I am a Taurus the Bull, I guess my stubborness is showing up. NRJ