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For some reason, I’ve had problems posting on this thread, so if there are repeat posts similar to this one, all from me, I apologize.
Boy does this post seem familiar!
I placed my son 21 years ago. Two years later, I was married and shortly thereafter I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. My first wanted pregnancy did bring up all of the old, unresolved anger that my parents and I had with each other. For a while, it was very difficult. Like you, I hid my second pregnancy from my parents for over 6 months. It’s a wonder that T doesn’t have rivet marks on her forehead from me squeezing into my Levi’s for so long! Happily, the birth of my daughter brought on healing and resolution of all of the issues that had been under the surface of our relationship for so long. My parents, like yours, didn’t want people in our small town to know about the adoption either. I believe now that this wasn’t because they were ashamed of me (though that’s how it felt at the time) but because they wanted me to be able to move on without gossip and interference. That’s how it was in many small towns in the early 80’s.
It has just been in the last few years, since I’ve been dealing with two teenage daughters, that I can understand the pain and heartbreak my parents went through with the adoption. As parents, it hurts us to see our children make mistakes with painful consequences. We want our children to have more opportunities than we did. We dream of them enjoying college and embracing everything that life has to offer young people. We want these things for our children, not because we want to relive our own lives, but because we don’t want to see them suffer. Pain and disappointment often manifests itself through anger. I had to come to terms with my own resentment and bitterness and I’m so grateful that I did.
I hope your new life brings you healing and joy.
Paige
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