[iangeleyes]

I do know how much it hurts. To not know where your child is, to not know that they are all right. It's all right to hurt and to cry. I went 19 years (pretty much) without crying or talking to anyone about my pain. I pretty much have low self-esteem and my own failed relationships, as it's hard to get past the pain sometimes. But, the crying is a healing thing. We sometimes just need to cry it out. But, we do need to remember the others who are still there, who do need us. You have a beautiful 10 year old daughter who loves you and needs you. And you have a husband who loves and needs you too. Your children, I am sure, have thought much about you over the years, but, not knowing what had transpired, may not be emotionally ready to seek you out. But, from all I have read, once they are ready, they will try to seek you out. And when they do, you will want them to see the wonderful mom I'm sure you are. Maybe you would want to seek counselling to help you work through this. When I went through my divorce many years ago, I took my other 2 sons to see a counselor. When we would go, I got to talk with him also. It was such a great release to be able to say anything without anyone making judgement on me. No body just saying "It'll be all right", just attempting to soothe. I pray that you find your reason to carry on. Should you ever need anyone to talk with, you can always email me at any time. Or, if you're on yahoo, you can IM me (ginzan2003). I'm here every night, pretty much, and always have an ear to listen.