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originally posted by Cheryl62
Read, read, read on this forum. Give this forum's address to your daughter - far better she get support and advice here, than from some of the sites she may have been visiting.
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Respectfully disagree ~ I would not encourage her to read any forum. In fact, when I read PattiPanCakes post:
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"R went on to some internet places and read all this stuff written by biological mothers about the children they adopted out and the "mother child bond" I don't know exactly where she went, but thet stuff that she is saying is crazy!!! She is talking about how children were stolen!WHether we "cohersed" her biological mother"
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I didn't think of an anti-adoption site at all. I, like Volfe posted, felt she had been HERE, on this forum.
PattiPanCakes: Unexpected events tend to change our world. Many times this creates fear and panic. What's done is done ~ it can't be changed. It is unfortunate that your daughter overheard the conversation between you and your husband vs. being told in a supportive, loving manner. From what you described, the conversation sounded very negative in tone. Perhaps family counceling would help all of you. There are therapists that specialize in adoption related issues. It could help you deal with your fears and it could help both you and your husband support your daughter as she decides whether to have contact with her biological Mother. It is her decision. Legally you may be able to postpone it for a year, but that could cause irreparable damage to your relationship, not only with this daughter, but with your younger daughter as well. I agree with the others that you should not speak negatively about the biological parents and you should avoid the stereotyping. We are all humans and we are all unique. Just because we fall into a certain group, whether race, religion, gender or a place in the triad, does not determine who or what anyone is or is not.
I had wonderful adoptive parents. They're both deceased and I miss them daily. A few months ago I met my biological Father. He is a very nice man and it gave him peace and made him so happy to learn that I did indeed have the life he wanted me to have. This changed absolutely nothing where my feelings for my parents are concerned. If anything, learning the truth about my beginnings confirmed that joining my family through adoption was a blessing for me.
I do hope you and your family seek help from a good therapist. Otherwise, you and your husband may indeed find your relationship with your daughter deteriorating. Not because the biological Mother made contact, but due to your own reactions.